Don’t be a child! She’s not your Mommy!
Quit whining and do it yourself! Stop depending on the woman in your life to solve your problems, clean up your messes, and do what YOU are supposed to be doing!
I hear women complain all the time about the man-child in their lives. Husbands and boyfriends who simply expect to “taken care of”. Seriously? She’s not your Mommy!
My mother was an amazing woman. While she was a typical mom in that she saw to my daily needs as a youngster, she also taught me how and expected me to do many of the chores that are common to running and keeping a home. It started with picking up after myself and slowly grew into doing my share of the cleaning around the house. I remember having the lousy job of cleaning the mopboards around our house. I had to get down on my hands and knees with a damp cloth and wipe the dust and dirt from the mopboards that lined nearly every wall in our home. For those who are confused, mopboards are also commonly referred to as baseboards and less commonly called skirtboards. I was also responsible for dusting certain rooms in our house.
Remember a week or so ago, I wrote a post about doing a job right the first time? You can probably imagine how many times I had to “go back and do it again.” I was a kid. Kids often don’t like to work, especially if the task is difficult or unpleasant. I would often rush through the job so I could get it done and go play. In hindsight, I probably spent more time doing the job twice when I could have done it right the first time and moved on. Nonetheless, I learned some very valuable lessons from having those responsibilities in my early years.
My parents were high school sweethearts. They married during their college years and were together for 50 years before my Mom passed away suddenly in 2010. My father, as you can imagine, was devastated. My Dad was raised during a time when men's and women's roles were more rigidly defined in the home. Women did the laundry and the cooking while men did the repairs, the maintenance, and so forth. Whether right or wrong, that was simply the way things were in the ’40s and ’50s. Yes, things have changed a lot. My mother's death brought to the forefront, a gap in my father's ability to take care of himself. I had often viewed my Dad as being able to survive in the wilderness like a mountain man, and I’m sure he could have, yet I was surprised to find that my Dad had a difficult time doing many of the modern household tasks that my Mom had always done for him, like cooking, laundry, ironing and so forth. Sure, Dad could cook a mean steak or fry up some trout, eggs, or bacon, but that wasn’t going to last long in his new reality.
At the time of my mother’s death, I too was a newly single dad and forced to run my own household. I wasn’t responsible for just some of the work, I had to do it all. My sister and I were able to work with my Dad to teach him how to state taking care of himself and fill in the gaps. He was a quick learner and grateful for our help.
I was thankful that my mother had decided that I would never become another woman’s “child”. She knew that in this brave new world, that I wouldn't be leaving one nest and flying into another. I would be on my own for a while and I had to know how to cook, clean, and take care of my own domain. When I found myself suddenly single I was ready. I was already the primary house cleaner. Cooking was something I may not have been great at, but I could follow a recipe. Laundry is something I had been doing for years. It was a shared task between my wife, myself, and eventually the kids.
I have since remarried and still do many of the jobs that I used to do. I’m the primary housecleaner, I do my own laundry much of the time, and occasionally I cook. Cut me some slack, my wife is an amazing cook who loves to do it. (and I love to eat it). I’m usually the one who fixes the car and truck, maintains the lawn tractor, does the heavy lifting and the “dirty” jobs. We have a mutually agreeable division of labor, however, I’m capable and willing to do whatever needs doing to make our home run smoothly. There is no “woman’s” work, we’ve simply divided up the work to what we’re best suited for.
Every day I see man-boys wandering around. Man-boys being driven around like children because they lost their license in some drunken stupidity. Man-boys sitting around drinking beer while the wife or girlfriend is working hard with the children or the household chores. Man-boys berating their women because she didn’t do something or take care of something for him.
Step up to the plate. Men work. Period. If it needs to be done, it doesn’t matter whose job it is, DO IT. Help the women in your life with their chores. Step up and take responsibility for the kids and help them out. Be a man. Fold the laundry. Drink your beer and watch the game while you do it if you want, but fold the damn laundry. Pick up your mess. Clean things up. Why? It’s your job! Just do it. A woman doesn’t want yet another child to take care of and clean up after. Frankly, if she has to, then you’re an embarrassment. Knock it off!
All right! I get the point! Where do I start?
Good. I’m glad I got through. Getting started is simple. First, take a moment to think of all the things that she does for you. Then, go thank her for it. Next, train yourself to recognize what she does on a daily basis and do it yourself. You don’t have to start with everything and not all at once. Steadily work yourself into the routine of the household and begin doing some of the chores that need to be done. Wash the dishes simply because they’re in the sink and haven’t been done yet. Imagine how she’ll feel knowing that you took the time to do the dishes without being asked to do so. Don’t be a slob, pick up your crap. See that pile of laundry? Take it to the washing machine and start a load. How about that stuff in the dryer? Pull it out and put it into a laundry basket. You could even try sorting and folding it, and if you want to go the extra mile, put it away.
Learn to see your woman for who she really is. Is she tired from working all day or tending to the kids? Take over! Be a Dad. Give her the gift of time. Take the kids out for ice cream or take them to a movie. Take over the bedtime routine. Cook them dinner. Trust me, mac ‘n cheese is simple and kids love it. Your reward will be two-fold. Your kids will appreciate your spending time with them and your woman will appreciate you stepping up to be the man in her life instead of another kid. One of the biggest rewards is that your children will see what a real man does. They’ll see you being a father and a good man. That is priceless and will be a powerful life lesson for them.
Now that I’ve said all this, I want you to understand that there is nothing wrong with a man and a woman finding a natural rhythm for their daily lives and chores, but it’s up to you, as the man, to constantly be aware of what is going on with your family and be ready to pick up the slack when needed.
Learn to take care of yourself and your family. That’s your job. Trust me, you’ll be much happier in the end and remember…She’s not your Mommy!
